:(

Reached aunt's place. And we're the last family to arrive so yes it's really crowded now and it's so noisy. Honestly I don't like to be here, I just want to get home now. Not even 5mins and I can't take it any longer. Plus dad said since we came late, there's no way we are gonna go home early. So yeah how many hours will I be stuck here dying of boredom really. And he seems to be in a bad mood today... pms lol. With work at 8am tomorrow, I've no idea if I'd be able to wake up okay time I've been really tired just wanna sleep forever. Lol. Oh guess what. I'm so... I don't know what word to use but I feel really awful now for no reason. Just being here makes me feel sick. ): I just feel like crying but I can't there's so many people here I'd just embarrass myself... help !!! There's dinner, like buffet style with 13 different dishes and I don't even have the appetite to eat anything, I don't feel like eating at all... this sucks. When I first stepped in, I felt fat. And self conscious that the two cousins were talking about me, saying how fat I am and it's really hitting on me hard. Makes me want to cry even more. Sigh. Today is a bad day. Morning didn't start off well either. Was too tired to wake up and go to church so I just slept in but the pms dad was literally shouting and said I took his words deafly when I didn't! I told my mom I'm really tired from work but all he said was that I slept too late and stuffs when I did not. I made the effort to sleep and I wasn't watching shows yet he just said I was. Whatever. But he kept going on and said no I have to wake up and go etc I mean ok I have to go to church yes but what's the point if I'm going to fall asleep during sermon? and I've to come here till what time so I won't have much time to sleep. I don't see anything wrong with that seriously. No idea why, I starting crying and kinda hyperventilated. Self harm urges were there but glad I didn't give in to it. :) ok anyway I'm really feeling too fat now I really think they were talking about me:( isolated myself from everyone else, blogging and having a book to read... but all I'm hearing is one of my aunt saying to my cousin "you where got fat" &"you're so boney" ... makes me miss my bones too. And she's that aunt made comments during my Ana period ): anyway end of rant gonna do some reading to calm myself down ><