meaningful visit

Thankful that Shu Qi came to visit yesterday noon. And we watched a sermon about addiction. It struck me honestly, and kinda got my faith back and yes thank God for her, she helped me so much and had always been helping me I'm really grateful for her. and that. She talked really a lot of sense and truths, and i realized i had misconceptions about God. All along, I thought that God will ultimately bring me to where I was meant to be and that no matter what choices I make, God will ultimately "force" me to the plans that he has for me/ But I came to realize that that's actually a misconception because we all have FREE WILL. That's a gift from God too, no? I believe that every good thing comes from God as there is no coincidence in the Earth filled with so many miracles and etc. Came to really realize that no matter what choices i make, i chose them and that God is watching over me, which means that everything will turn out well. I mean, yes. Maybe after sometime, I might face smtg not so good but I believe that the end product is going to be good because God is in it with me, he walked the paths before I did and carried me, led me through it thats why there's only a pair of footprints in the sand. So much love from Him. And we talked about future, what do I want to do with my life. I've been wasting away, to an Ed and never have I really tried of ways to make my life fruitful and never have I tried my best to fight it, to beat it out of my life. In fact, Honestly, i just let the days pass by and go with the flow. I have dreams, what I want to be in the future, the kind of man I want to marry etc. But I have no timeline. When am I going to graduate? I've no idea because I do not plan, so I have to timeline which means that I allowed for time to just pass by without me putting in efforts to stop it. Eg, deferment. Its already my second deferment. By right, I should be graduating with my last year's class next year but because of ed, it had to drag on. I wasn't cool with the idea but I did nothing NOTHING to stop it, I was just so agreeable and neither did I put in efforts to study hard in the ward. Because I did not plan a timeline, even for school. I really have to, have to start doing it, things that I want to do in a time frame if not I can really assure everyone that I won't be doing anything I've always wanted to do. Actions ultimately is bigger than words. DO, not just SAY. And regards to the sermon, as I said earlier it was about addiction. How people are addicted to many things/anythings in life. It need not necessary be those common ones, like smoking or drugs. It is more than that. Being so absorbed in "that thing" that people forgot about god because those addiction blinded them, and they couldn't see. Like, bad habits that someone keeps doing is also an addiction. Being so absorbed about my Ed is also an addiction. There's really more to life than being sucked into the addiction that you are in to. Everyone is definitely into an addiction that is unhealthy, and I have many. ): I have to let go of those and let God be the center of my life, not all those "things" which I'm absorbed in. And definitely it is going to be tough. Letting go of so many things, control, and giving all control and life to God, having faith is just so hard. I've always always said that I want a life, with God it in but I'm doing nothing to draw close to God. All I am doing is nothing, drifting away from God and wth how does it even help. It doesn't at all. I've to start doing something and I will start doing something about it, and my life I don't want to continue wasting away anymore. I've wasted enough time and that's enough, really. I need you back, I really do, I Want you back. Oh and when i was watching a part of a sermon just now, it said "God knows what you truly need and sometimes when it takes something away from you, Eg relationship, he knows better and has prepared something even better for you" :)