:(

Times like this, I just wanna end everything and MIA. Sounds like a coward boohoo but heckyeah, that's exactly the thing. Don't know why I'm like that. Feel like such a failure, worthless, useless, hypocrite, ugly, fat, gross, disgusting, selfish, judgemental, blah blah. I feel like that NOW. Really sucky. Much like worsening my self-esteem when its already at its pit bottom. Ughxcjksjbdf sfmsdfm,adfa. Just so pissed with myself, well I don't think there's exact reasons to why I feel like that? It all adds up, one by one and all come crashing down... Ugh feels as though I can't seem to do anything well, like ohmygoodness so screwed. So screwed why am I so screwed. What kind of a friend am I? What a sister/daughter am I? OHgod so muchhhh thinking k this is bad. I'm feeling worse thinking about it... But I can't avoid it its like I'm trying to find my identity. I feel so abnormal, what's wrong with me? Whywhywhy! All I see is how bad how awful I am. I don't see what others see:( It's so hard to believe. I'm just so so far from being perfect. I hate the flaws I see. But I don't want to go back to Ed. I keep forcing myself, psycho myself that I do not want Ed in my life. I'm so confused really very very confused. Ughh anyway tomorrow will be a better day. This is just a fucked up moment in my life