Hi dear, thank you for always being there when I feel really upset and depressed. I really appreciate a lot, and also the efforts you put to make me laugh and sorts. I'm sorry idk if sometimes I affect your mood, but if I do, I'm really sorry. Who'd have thought we'd be such good friends in such a short time? Especially when we used to "hate" each other. Sometimes, I really wonder why did this happen and how come it turned out this way? We were both really amazed, aren't we? Hehe but well, that's good huh! :> I'm really grateful for you, for you who are. Please know that you are so amazing and you look no where near fat cause you definitely aren't fat and I promised you that I'd never let you get fat either. Try and chill and remind yourself that you are wonderfully and fearfully made by God. He doesn't judge you, He loves you despite all your flaws. I know right now, it is hard for you to believe the positive sides of yourself. But hun, you really have a lot of good attributes. Really, I hope that one day, you'll be able to see that and know that you're really precious to all those around you and that you deserve the best in life for who you are. I love you so much, thank you for being you. <3

New Year's Eve

What's the big hu-ha about New Year? Sometimes I don't get it. Isn't it the same ass any other day? Hmmm. This makes me wonder quite a bit bout what I should be doing LOL. tomorrow then marks the start of a completely new and never been there before year, and I don't know what's prepared for me but hopefully its what'll help me grow mentally spiritually and emotionally stronger. :) S's staying over tonight again and uhm yeah we're just prolly "party" in out own ways till we just zzz. Ahah.Hope everyone has a great start from tomorrow and start the new year afresh<3

FFT

Most of the time, I do not want to look sick anymore. I hate how i looked when i was just like a skeleton at 31kg. But in fact, now I am way above and I know I look so much better and am in a better state of health. I've used to think that being "sick" was good, but it was just a tedious process that I go through everyday by forcing myself. Why live as though you've no choice? Just live. For Once. Whats up with being fat? People dont get fat easily, its all about the BID that I see. Upon myself, and it sucks so much trying to feel better when all I see is FAT. But I know that its healthy and that's what I need the most. There's always a set weight for everyone, thats what I came to realise as well, and so what if the weight goes down v low? Ultimately, everyone will hit rock bottom and their body will go back to the set weight it was meant to be. That'd mean being able to just eat and keep the food down just like any normal person and the weight will maintain. I guess that's life, some people just have to learn it the hard way but its always for a purpose. I know I've come so far, why do I want to throw my efforts away and be back to the skeletal me? And my resolution for 2013 will and shall be to not defer any sem and work towards graduation with c because that is a pact. I will not let ed affect what i have built over the years because i cant let the past affect me, instead i can choose how my future is going to be. We will stand tall and strong to walk through together. I believe that w will have a good future and because you deserve the best. Beauty isnt just how you look. Thin or fat doesn't define beauty. I love you w:* Everyone's beautiful in their own ways. xx

Like a pendulum

Still in the hospital boo. I don't know exactly whats wrong but ohwell. Even on sc. Deferment. Tears. Depression. Meals. Struggle. Fake smile. Madness. Laughter. Misses. Hugs. Encouragement. Triggers. Talks. Doctors. Med team. Therapy. Medicine. This kinda sums up everything that's going on. Shirlyn left a few days back and I miss her so much. Her bed's also taken away by a 20ish lady. Hahaha but still, its so boring cause I don't talk to her. Its still different from the fun I used to share with S. Boo. xx OH and yonghwa is really cool HAHA. Obsession. LOL. K, anyway... Yes I've to defer for another sem. Yet again, it sucks so much so much I cried buckets making that decision or even thinking about it. ): Its still so hard trying to accept the fact that I'd have to graduate a sem later than my friends and who knows what's going to happen next? Will I get admitted again into the ward and have to defer again? And it'll keep dragging on. I don't know what I want to do with my life, I really don't. Its like I'm in a state of confusion, everything in my mind is constantly changing. Thoughts keep kicking in and its those bad ones. I'm tired, so tired of this life. Yes I am, period. :( You know, I wish upon a star for a guardian angel (if there's even one) to help me through it but I know that God is here. Having said that, my faith is ... lost. I lost faith in God, in fact everything. Hardly actually pray already, during meals no before I sleep hardly and I really can't get myself to pray earnestly. And oh recovery, meals are becoming a struggle on upgraded meal. Well it only gets really hard the food is really bad tastes really awful. And I don't actually bother trying, I just get the top up. I'm sick of this too. Darmmit. Everything is moving, changing. Decisions are not firm. Everything, every choice is changing. Contemplating so much about R.