Part 2!

Woke up super early to accompany Mom to fetch sis to school and go to Hougang Mall! And lahlah reached home around 1030am, only to realised dad was still sleeping! >:( Feeling a lil sick, sorethroat that's so bad I can't swallow my saliva properly and its so itchy! Flu that's making my throat worse. Oh but thank god anyway, I drank a bottle of lemon water mommy prepared and slept... Woke up, felt way way better! Don't feel sick at all :D Had home cooked lunch and before lunch, ate 3 of my favourite bread. All the same- 3! Felt really bad and guilty for finishing them and was thinking of restricting. But I'm so glad that I didn't! Managed to pull through the day like a normal person. Or rather, trying to be normal. So went to sleep those guilt away. After that, woke up for a shower before heading out to Orchard to meet Hwee Ting! Been don't know how long since I last met her. Not really that long, but feels long lol. Walked to Somerset after that and dined at Marche! Been some time since I last ate there. First time trying the Homemade Ravioli in tomato sauce! YUMM. Ravioli was good. She had Rosti with sour cream, long queue! And oh man she's really lucky. Haha think the person was too busy till he forgotten to tap her card for the meal! So she didn't have to pay for the rosti, just had to pay for her Iced Chocolate. Lesson learnt: Go to the one with a blur looking cook when its crowded! HAHAHA. Had Iced coffee after that too! I feel like I'm learing to be comfortable with calories from beverages. Like I don't really bother thinking about it thou sometimes I still feel really wasted. At least I tried drinking them, I think that's what matters. Talked alot and took photos! Yayyy with her cameraaaaaa :D So I don't have the pictures! Only of the meal, hahaaa. I'll upload it all together at once after I get them! Anyway tomorrow will be a long day at SGH. Just realised I have 3appointments instead of 4. But its still alot. Have to reach there by 9am! ZOMGGGGGG.

Updates!

Ok, so yesterday was Monday! Sunny monday! Went out for lunch with parents at Clark Quay the central before going for interview! O: Took it as a chance to apologise to my dad as well. :) Had lunch at Seoul Yummy! Really is yummy lolol! And their kimchi is oh so good! They have 6 different types, free flow. So yeah it was replenished thrice! And the food was pretty yum and filling. Ordered Spicy Buckwheat Noodles with Crispy Fish(topped with some sauce on it) and it was really spicy. Like slightly more than normal spicy! So was really filled from that, plus I ordered a cup of citrus tea(cold). Love the citrus tea, used to make my own at home! Mom got herself saba fish set whereas dad got beef! Both equally good. After that walked around before going for the interview. Just went to look around, and the manager spoke to my parents. Seems like a really good offer, but have not decided yet. Well, see how it goes:) Wait and see! If the person calls, Hahaha. Oh, went to Nex ntuc after that to get whatever stuffs I can't remember ohwell that's not important anyway.. Got my snack there! YOGURUUUUUU. And I saw this guy again! Apparently I think his girlf works there! Everytime when the girl is working, he'd be there as well. Awww sweet huh. And I love yoguru. I just love froyo!- Red mango, yoguru, yami, berrylite, sogurt:) And after getting whatever stuffs, dad went home first to do his stuffs while Mom and I went to Eastpoint's Phoon Huat to get baking stuffs! Will be baking heart-shaped white chocolate cookies! Bought the cookie cutter as well, 4 different heart shape sizes ranging from small to jumbo! Wasted quite some time there and drove to fetch sis:) Then we went to this shopping mall newly opened, somewhere around Changi. Its quite a small shopping mall, but quite a few eating places! Ohgoodness, thanks to all the eating places, we had a hard time deciding! Took about an hour I think:/ This shows how indecisive we are! Ended up at Eggs and Berries, it reminded me of Wild Honey! They serve all-day breakfast as well. And the food's good. Portion sizes also reasonable. :) Just that in comparison with the Eggs Benedict, Wild Honey serves a bigger portion! I had Corned Beef Hash and Eggs! Beef was a lil salty but still good :) Mom had Breaded Fish with Potato Wedges! And sis ordered Eggs Benedict, which looked kind of pahetic as compared to mom and mine. Hahaha oh, mine came with pancakes and maple syrup as well! I didn't notice that the menu stated that so I got a hell shock. Kind of refused it as I felt that it was something extra. Or probably its the Ed is guess.. In the end, we divided them- one each. 3 Pancakes, just nice! Was extremely full, but still went to get Yogurt Plus as I wanted to try all the different kinds of froyo! Ok, its not as nice. Not really frozen, so nahh not to my taste buds! Walked around those factory outlets before heading home. Yay miss home:) Ohnahh my bed's what I miss most! And I'm so addicted to grapes, like zomg really. I can't stop eating them even when I'm full, I craved for them too. Its so tough to just stick to one portion of grapes. I mean don't have to stick to one portion but it feels like a lot. Almost all the grapes at home were eaten by me! >:B Okay lunch and dinner's:






This's dinner! And that's the berry berry smoothie!





Lunch!
Loveee those kimchi and blaahhhshs:)

self harm again...

I currently have big long ugly scars on my arm now, left arm. Well all thanks to him. I need to vent. Apparently while I was sleeping, he came into my room and invaded my privacy by "using" my laptop. I mean, if he wanted to use he could've ask! ITS MY PROPERTY. Even though he got it for me, that does not give a damnit right to use it as and when he wants! Worse still, he obviously lied. He said he didn't want to on his own laptop so he used mine. WHATHEFUCK. Sucha lame excuse! If so, he would have used my comp for dk how many times already. Oh, and he even lied saying that he was doing his own company stuffs when all he was doing was viewing the web pages I visited and looking at what shows I've been watching. Simply because he does not trust me. How can I ever trust him again? No I can't. He's really a disappointment. I admit that I've been rude to him, and I know I shouldn't be since he's the elder. But I have my reason too, to why I was so rude! Thats because I was so irritated by him, he kept asking me the same questions over and over again! Honestly who won't be irritated?! And I answered him a billion times. Zomg too much to rant. Way too much. Tbh, I honestly thought he changed a lot ever since he attended this "papa school" at some church. And I was so happy that he changed so much and was so understanding. But nahh, old habits don't die. He accused me for badmouthing him as well. When I didn't, all I did was just vent out. I've never badmouthed him on purpose before. But so what? He don't believe me, that's fine. Whatever. I can't be bothered already, he simple don't understand anything since he's always right and I'm always wrong. Even if he's in the wrong, not like he will admit, so what's the point? He's really like a outsider, I really feel like I don't know him at all. He's not the dad I pictured him to be... I know he cares, but his way is really too insane. Checking up on me and all, might as well go be PI! Still can earn money right-.- Damn, now I have no one I can really count on for support. I really hate worrying my mom yet she's the best support I could ever have. Sigh. I feel so alone. Why didn't anorexia killed me the other time? How I wished I wasn't born at all.

Insomnia?

I've been having horrible nights lately. Kept waking up at some random hours, feeling hungry at times too! Like today, around 6+ I woke up for the 3rd time and went to have some grapes LOL. At least its pretty filling, and a serve of fiber:) Okay anyway... Yesterday I went to the library and borrowed a book titled "Biting Anorexia". Seems like a really good book, so yeah its about a lady's struggles with anorexia. Gonna start reading it today! Hmm, nothing much to do today tho, going for breakfast then church then probably out (no idea where) for lunch, shop around etc etc and home. Pretty much a boring day! Singapore is so boring, just a little red dot:(

Yay!

Went out with SuLynn today! Met at J8:) And today I realised that its a really small shopping centre. Hahaha. Anyway, as I said we were watching a movie and yeah the movie was good! Suuperrr hilarious. And the last part was random, they started wishing Happy Chinese New Year. LOL. Walked around before and after the show, had dinner at some Japanese Restaurant! Forgotten the name, ohwell. The food was good. Yumm, definitely going there againnnn. Wanna try Ambush someday too, has quite a variety! Got myself Omu rice that came with fries, 2fried chicken balls topped with eggmayo and tofu hamburger! Was really filling heheh. She ordered some udon too:) But their beverage list is really boring, hardly anything that sounds good. Lol. Oh anyway, struggled quite a bit while ordering! Didn't know what to choose from the menu, so Ed kind of sank in and spoke, saying this has lesser calories than that etc etc. Thankfully my dear friend was there and helped out too. Telling me to go accordingly to what I wanted and to not listen to Ed. :) And yes, I did. That's why I ordered that! As she needed to go to church, we went to Coffee Bean to get my breakfast before saying goodbye! After that, I went to Yami to get my froyo with fruit toppings as supper. Love froyo:) Hopefully I'd be able to finish my breakfast all by myself without cheating or giving them away! Got myself a banana muffin and a blueberry muffin:/ Pretty scared as I chickened out the other time and gave the starbucks ones to my sis. Hehehe. In any case, I'd try my best as I promised SL:) Had a really great time with her today tho it wasn't very long. There'll always be chances to meet up again!:) Anyway, I'll upload the photos tomorrow! Its in my Mom's phone and charging, so yeah. Patience:)

Talking to Ed

Had session with Tina today. Apart from the usual sharing, we did something interesting today! Weilin talks to ed. So here's how it was like. There's 2 comfy chairs in the room, and I always sit on the sofa chair. So, the other chair is like Ed. Ed is sitting on the other chair, and I was having a talk with ed. Listed out reasons of "why should I have ed", "why do I want to get well" etc. I had to keep changing seats as it was both me. Hahaha lol. But it was really helpful. Initially it felt pretty silly talking to "air", but as it progressed on, all was well. Got better. After that, threw tissues at "Ed". Hehe, oh and I realised that I actually did say things that I'd never admit and really felt Ed's presence in a way. Really helpful, like its really out of a sudden feeling. Go try it of you wish, it helped get things off my chest. Yay. Felt so much happier after today's session. Headed to Nex after that to get stuffs! Mom will be cooking Korean Rice Cakes tomorrow for her dinner gathering. As for me, no concrete plans yetttt. I'm way too free. Anyway gonna catch a movie with su lynn later at J8! We'll be watching alls well ends well, a mandarin show. Guess it'll be pretty funny:) Then dinner and all before she heads down to church! Btw, on the way to sgh today I saw this: it looked like a rocket was just being launched!

up, down, up or down?

Have not been blogging for a few days already, been rather lazy to do so, too hooked to the drama. Hahaha. I'm so in love with HK crime solving drama! After this series I'll probably watch English version ones. Oh anyway, CNY. It didn't start off good... Let's see.. Sunday, had reunion with dad's family at a chinese restaurant at balestier. Was really restrictive:( I hardly ate anything and tried to avoid stuffs which I would've taken without a second thought. This is day one, bad. Day 2- worse. For the whole afternoon, I only had a low cal alpen bar. Okay, I know its really bad but I've no idea why I did that. My mood was really low, and I couldn't stop crying. Cried about 7 times that day i think. So what happens after restriction? Binge. Yes it happened. I binged on cny goodies and felt way way worse. But tried to make myself feel better anyway. Haha. Oh, and my parents kind of spoke to me and all, and things went better after that night when we had the talk. I totally understood why. What ed caused. Okay so leave the bad days aside and look at the good days! Day 3, went to Aunt's place! Yay. Had breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper. It was a new start, a good start. Was rather happy as we had lunch as a family. Hehehe. Sorry tho, did not take much photos x. Anyway, went out with mom yesterday morning to nex after sending my sis to school. As relatives were coming over for dinner, mom had to buy groceries to cooookkkk. Had breakfast at Tea Dot before getting those stuffs! Ordered sundried tomato roasted chicken wrap. It was pretty good! And sundried tomato totally reminded me of Ward 46A's breakfast: Savoury buns. But was kinda restrictive while placing my orders as I wanted either a muffin, pancake, beef stew or bagel instead. Yet, I just ordered something that was the smallest in size, the safest. Gah. After getting what we needed, we then headed back home. And got busy! Helped out with housework, vacuumed the house and folded a mountain of clothes! Perspired a lot, which felt really good and after showering made me feel so refreshed! Mom then went to cook and stuff. Dinner time! Was really a good dinner! She cooked aglio olio with scallops, mushrooms, mixed ham, teriyaki chicken, agar agar, abalone and dad ordered two large pizzas. Well, quite a number of them came and all the food was gone:) How yummy is that? And all the typical stuffs after:)
Today, had breakfast with parents before watching a movie. Had breakfast at 112 Katong! First time going there. Quite a nice place I'd say. Gonna go there again to shop! :D Many dining places as well. Feels like another Orchard style. Lol. Just a smaller version or something. But that place reminded me of Paragon! Oh, and we watched Jourey 2: The Mysterious Island. It was a good show, better than I expected. Though there wasn't much adventure, it was still good. Now wanna watch I love HK 2012, All's well ends well, Jack and Jill and idk what more. Saw a thriler on "Mirror Mirror", its a movie like Snow white and the seven dwarfs! I'm totally gonna watch it. The thriler was pretty funny. Hehehe. After that, went to Marina to have lunch at Just Acia before viewing the River Ang Bao. Tbh, it was really disappointing. Nothing much at all. So yeah, like a waste of time. :( Had nothing much to do since there was nothing to do at all, the malls were pretty quiet and stuff so went home and rest. That's a way better idea! Nothing's better than home. :) Mom cooked dinner, so gonna have them now. :) Update tomorrow:)

Imma hairpee girl!

Heyyaaa! Things went well for appointment today! Dr ng will be seeing me again in a months time! That's the longest period without seeing a doc. So happy. But will still be seeing the others as usual. And she said I've made improvements as well, hoorayyy! Anyway, today I started something: A 2weeks challenge for myself- 3main meals, (no porridge,bee hoon, tang hoon and to finish my portions and limit soupy noodles- that's what the dietitian said) 1snack and fruits! today is day 1, and all went well. Didn't restrict and ordered what I want and yes I finished the portion. Feeling quite guilty after dinner as I shared curry fish head, fried sotong with you tiao and sweet&sour chicken with parents. And a bowl of rice. Trying to ignore the thought tho, since I know its Ed. It doesn't help me in any way if I keep thinking of the guilt, so push that away! Lunch was good! Dined at pizza hut with mom, and I'm glad to say that I did not order seafood vongole(a safe choice). Instead, had seafood fiesta! Its like seafood baked rice that comes with raisins, cheeeese, mussels, prawns and squid. With salsa:) Really good and satisfying. Headed to sgh after that. Today was quite chaotic tho, the doctors didn't have the case files! I think its because of a new clerk who didn't know what to do. Hahaha, hope she gets better with it. Oh, watched a moviee too!- We not naughty, a film by Jack Neo. Really good show and its educational. Learnt quite a lot from the show. People, go catch the movie! Had to read the subtitles at the beginning of the show as they spoke in hokkien which I don't understand xx. Andandand, I went out with han xin on tues! Yay I'm so glad I didn't abandon her:) We dined at Trattoria at 313 Somerset! Really good place and it was her treat HEHEHE. Thanks dear. After that, we headed to the Peranakan Museum! Omg it was so interesting and took lots of pictures as well. Had a gooood time there, can't wait to go to the other museums. Oh, and we had a really hard time finding scape. It took us quite a long time navigating and lots of perspiration before we finally found the place to get Red Mango! FROYO (L) Worth it for that tho, yummmms. I'll update all the photos tomorrow, prolly once I'm home! Gonna eat my snack soon- Large cup yoguru with 3awesome toppings YUMYUM!

The journey is tough

Hello! Was not in a good mood when I woke up, so was quite reluctant to have breakie): But ohwell, I still had my usual fix. But things wasn't that good after. Apparently, I don't know why but I felt like I overate for breakfast! It totally didn't make sense at all. Like seriously. And what I ate yesterday made me feel worse. I know that's obviously Ed, as I LOVED what I ate. Just, I don't know what to say to fight back, as I thought it was a really sinful meal too. So... I went to exercise quite a bit. Or maybe more than a bit. Honestly, it was a little hard to stop tho really tiring! My legs were so wobbly after that xx. My day didn't start off good, in fact it was horrid. But that's not the end tho! Oh, and Mom baked peanut balls today! They were really good, love it. Mom and I then headed out to Marina Bay Sands as I didn't want to stay at home. Too bored. Before that, went to DS Double Spout for lunch. Had the Clam Chowder Bread Bowl. Was good, but kind of struggled through half way. Thankfully Mom was there, and pretty much forced me to complete the meal. And yes, I did! Amazingly, things were muvh better after I won over Ed during lunch. It started getting better, tho I still felt awful as I was really full. But as we reached MBS and shopped around, I felt good. Way better than before! Hehehe. We walked for quite a while before heading down to Orchard, Wisma. Wanted to go there to have dinner initially, at this really good ramen place that my family used to love. Sadly, they no longer sell our favourite ramen. SO SAD. I'll never get to eat that ramen again. Where did the chef go:( Oh, was craving for froyo after that so went to get Sour Sally! Its officially one of my fav froyo now! LOVE IT. Then, we were on our way home. Hahahaha, and decided to buy takeaway. Got one of my favourites, sweet&sour fish! YUMMS. It came with a fried egg as well. Real good. Mom had hor fun with char siew and was really good too! Caused I tried some:) Been watching man vs food, again. Its kind of funny seeing Adam Richman eat. He can really eat! An ordinary guy, with a serious appetite LOL. Anyway will be heading out again tomorrow! With my dear friend tomorrow. Pictures of good food will be up tomorrow! xoxoxo

White Dog Cafe!

So I'll talk about yesterday first! Went for breakie @ MacDonald's! Mum was craving the deluxe breakfast hahaha. Whereas for me, I ordered a McMuffin. Tbh, its my first time eating that. Okay, but it was good actually just not that filling. Headed off to church with a huge plastic bag that contains 7containers of homemade pineapple tarts! How awesome. Didn't receive much from the sermon tho. Apparently, I wasn't really paying attention so yeah, pretty much expected huh. Haha. Walked to Kallang MRT after that to meet up with Grishelda! Haven't seen her for god knows how long. A few months I guess! Finally met up. Oh, and we exchanged pineapple tarts! Hers was ohso good, I was so addicted to it I couldn't stop:X We went to Vivo to have lunch @ White Dog Cafe. The food there is really good, and the portions are huge too! But we didn't know, so we ordered one main course each and shared the White Dog Platter. OMG it was so so good, especially the platter! Love them. It consisted of buffalo wings, calamari rings, prawn fritters etc. Really good! With 2 different kinds of sauces too. I ordered some mango chicken, which was breaded then deep-fried. Honestly, I can't believe I actually ordered that and finished the chicken, including the skin. Was really good too! Grish had her serve of Seafood in tortilla net! :) Both looks so good. Kind of struggled after lunch tho, hated the after effect. Guilt starting to sink in and I started feeling really guilty and bad for eating that "unsafe" meal. Managed to talk crap and distract myself and it worked. Luckily it worked! Was too full after lunch, so we walked around and went to RWS. Nothing much there, since we didn't pay and go to uss. Ohwell. Still alright tho. Yesterday was really warm! Humid too. Uhhggh. And time passed by so quickly! Walked back to Vivo and went to get Yigloo. Its also frozen yogurt, but not as nice as yoguru! Find it a little too freezed. LOL. Was bloating after eating that, hahaha. And yay, parents came to fetch me after that and we went to Safra for dinner at some Thai restaurant. Was too full to eat, so I had a cup of Iced Coffee instead. The cup that was filled with Iced water was really cute! Its short and round, really rare. And home and blahblah. Anyway, the pictures here:










THEY LOOK SO GOOD AND TASTE SO GOOOODDD TOOO HEAVENSSSSS

Looking back...

How would my life be without Ed? Everything changed from that moment when I decided not to eat.

When I was young, I was happy!


I had no issues with food, I ate whatever I wanted without limits!

YUMMS

I didn't worry about my weight and all, life was good.
But one day, one sunny day, I wasn't good enough.
I stopped eating.



Weighed myself daily, a couple of times in fact
I body checked, compare, measured my body parts







Had moodswings, conflict with family members.
I started isolating myself.
Left all alone.
Felt empty inside, was crying yet it felt like no one was there.
My life was full of darkness,
I was just awaiting death.
I was always preccupied with food and calories, weight loss, thinspiration
I felt lousy, weak, ugly and FAT when I was just a bag of bones
Saw no purpose in life,
Given up on myself.
Even during admissions,
It didn't work.
I googled for calories, planned my restrictive diet.

But one day, I fell.
That fell woke me up.(a really good wake up call)
After a visit to the A&E,
I decided to recover.
I chose life.
I'm sick of all the restricting and dieting.
I took my very first bite of Big Mac!! And it tasted so so good!
That was when I felt so stupid for missing out on all those yummy foods.
I was happy.
I enjoyed life,
Enjoyed eating






:) good life! Hahaha.

Of course, I have my down days as well. In fact quite a number. But I won't let it affect me, not anymore. Recovery is a journey of ups and downs. When you fall, pick yourself up and move on. Don't just sit there and cry. It'd only make things worse. I've chosen life since 10 Oct! I reallllyyy want to carry on, living my life to the fullest as it should be! I deserve a joyful life, not a pathetic life dominated by a devil. Well, Ed has really changed my life. I wouldn't have known what would my life be now if I didn't have Ed. But it should be way better!:) Hahaha. Anyway, it's not like I chose it, it was just meant to happen for a reason. I really want to get well soon, I want to be normal. NORMAL. NORMAL. NORMAL. Okay, thats alll. BYEBYEBYE.

Never lose hope

Okay, hi:) Spent half the day baking pineapple tarts! So woke up really early, at around 7am. Couldn't really sleep anyway, so might as well wake up right? Started baking, and I'm really getting better at it! Did so much faster than the previous times, hehehe. So we were done with it pretty fast. After that, headed out for lunch with Mom, at Thai Express. Was quite worried st first as I didn't know what would I get, would I end up restricting and all. Thankfully I managed to order one of my favs there! Its curry soft shell crab with the thai rice. Reeaaalllyyy yum! Hehehe. And yes we rushed home cause the part-time maid was to clean the house at 1.30pm! Stopped baking as well, as it was uhm tough to do so with someone cleaning the house. Hahaha. skip that, nothing much to post about. Went for dinner with parents at Nex's foodcourt. Wanted to get Ayam Penyet, but forgotten it closed down! Why is every shop closing down? Upsetting xx Decided on sambal fried rice in the end. Well it was good, really yum. But I didn't finish it tho. Not really sure if its because I'm really full(which I doubt so) or was it Ed psycho-ing me that I'm very full. ): Went to Green Pumpkin, a japanese bakery to get breakfast. Got a really cute bun, yuzi blueberry. Looks really moist too. Hopefully it'll taste good too! Okay I'm gonna go google for hotels in Taipei! Time for holiday!

Its not all about the numbers!

Yesterday!

Managed to wake up early, so whole family left home at the same time! As usual, dad drove sis to school then we headed down to EastPoint for breakfast. Ate at Hans, been some time since I last ate there! Hmm I think it was like 1year+ ago? During sceondary 4:) Ordered their omelette! Used to order the tuna mayo one all the time! But dad wanted that and I didn't want to get same thing, I had the pisang(banana) one instead! Its like a really weird combination, banana and eggs?! Hah. However, it tasted really gooood! With a cup of coffee and a slice of butter toast. Quite buttery, but managed to finish one slice. Satisfying. Hehe. Walked around before going to Chinatown! Honestly, I think its been ages since I last visited Chinatown! Thank God that the weather was good, it wasn't too hot nor rainy. So yeahhh had a great time shopping around. Got a dress as well, at just 20bux! And not forgetting foodies! Got like 3 packets of mochi, redbean, peanut and yam. Love the peanut one the most. Really nice. But I still prefer the chinese muah chee. After that dad drive us to fook hai building to have lunch. He said the sotong ball soup was really good, but I wasn't interested in that so they ate first! Obviously, I still have to get lunch before appointment at SGH @ 2pm! Decided on O'Briens, and got the Turkey Cranberry Wrap! Was really good, with a generous serve of cranberry sauce! Appointment with Florence next. Did what we did when I was in the ward- Timetable planning. Hahaha, this time my Mom has to tick those non-nego ones:( Sadly. Kinda sucked tho, to have to follow something so rigid. But ohwell, better than me thinking of those stuffs. Haha. OH! Watched a movie as welll! The Great Magician! A chinese show, but really hilarious and interesting. Nice show, a good catch! Had an early dinner too, as the movie started at 5.50pm! Had Soup Spoon, but the lowest calories of all- Roasted Pumpkin Soup. Found it really restrictive, okay.. I know its really restrictive. Lunch was pretty much restrictive as well. Soafter the movie, went to get Yigloo! Like froyo, yum. :) Its paid accordingly to the grams. Yeah. Anddddd Home! Okay, here's what happened at home: I ate a container of pineapple tarts I made. Honestly, pineapple tarts are just so addictive, its really hard to stop! Guilt started to sink in a little, but managed to comfort myself that its absolutely okay since my day was already restrictive. Hehe, faking to be ok with it. Or at least, trying to. Tbh, I am actually quite jealous of people who have already recovered from anorexia or is doing really good in the midst of recovering. I know of people who do really well! And are no longer preoccupied with food, able to accept themselves for who they are. I really hope I can be at that stage soon! Though I am physically healthy in terms of weight, but its not all about the numbers actually. Ofcourse, the weight plays a big part in terms of recovery, but more about the mental state. Yes, its very easy to get well physically, but not mentally. If someone is not mentally recovered, there's a very high chance of relapse as Ed is definitely still in their minds. Mental stress. If only theres a way to block Ed out, that'd be really good huh! Don't you think so?

I'll try and do so.

Tbh, I ate alot yesterday. Didn't mentioned it in the earlier post but yes I did eat alot. Haha started from breakie. But I did not restrict today! Yay I'm actually really pround about this. Honestly. I thought I would be feeling so shitty and guilty and won't eat at all for today, but after what the dietitian said, I decided to start the day anew. And I finally came to accept the fact that overeating once a while won't hurt or make you fat. So its absolutely ok:) Pretty comforting cause I kept reciting that phrase over and over again in my mind! Anyway woke up rather late today! So had a late breakie. Oh. Finally got my froot loops, love them! And Julie's waffles. Really good too. Has the milk taste which I loveeee. Went to see Deng Peng today, the physiotherapist. OMG it was really tiring while working out but it felt so so good to perspire so much after so long. At long last I don't feel lazy sitting all day long. Love the hour of workout. Have more energy now too. After that, Dad came to fetch Mom and I for lunch. Went to SP and dined at Food Haven. Didn't had the buffet but instead had the main meals. The buffet only has a few variety and isn't really tempting too. In fact, the main courses was so much better! Had Seafood Bee Hoon Soup, was pretty good actually. As for Mom and Dad, they had the main course of the day! Chicken chop with some sauce, tea, sea coconut as a dessert and soup of the day= cream of mushroooommm. Had a taste of the soup and it was not too bad. Not too thick:) headed home after that to do baking again! Have to bake again and again until there's enough! Hehehe. Fun tho. Well nothing really exciting happened today. But Imma happy girl now. Hehehe thank god! Dinner soon? Or maybe not. Not too sure yet! Dad will be getting takeaway for us so yeeaaaahhhh. Yaaaayyyyy dddiiinnnneeeerrrrr. LLLLOOOOVVVVEEEEEEE.

Lunch!


Parents!


Mine!

10 Jan!

Just an update about yesterday! Okay so yesterday I had appointments with psychologist and dietitian! It went well. Talk about that later. But before that, Mom and I went to Phoon Huat at Simei after sending sis to school. Went there to get all the ingredients for baking! Still have tons of tarts to bake. Hahaha too many orders to be completed! After that, headed down to Bedok as Mom went to visit her ex colleagues. And yeah, initially wanted to go to Vivo for lunch @ The Soup Spoon. We did went to Vivo, but after sometime, Dad called and asked if we'd want to have lunch with him at Mt Faber! Obviously we went. And no regrets! The place was not air-conditioned, but you feeel the cool breezy air. Nature:) And food wise, it was absolutely pretty looking and delicious! The main courses were really good. I had Duck Confit! First time eating duck, and all I could say is that.... ITS AMAZING. Anyone wanna go there, please go k! Not really cheap, around 20+ bux for a meal. Really worth it if you ask me. Had Iced Chocolate to go with the meal tooo. Iced chocolate was kind of milky, more milky than what you get outside. Still drinkable anyway. Yummm. Was so satisfied with a full tummy. As it was still early, Mom and I went to Central after that. Okay, central is a really boring place. Only have some shops and dining areas. Nothing else. More restaurants. And more restaurants. Call it a eating paradise? Okay next, went to SGH. Saw Tina first, and all was good. I was really honest with her. Even about the urges to purge. Thats really shocking as I know she'd most likely write it in my case notes. Ohwell, that's the truth anyway! Came up with some ideas tho. To either get out of the toilet asap, distract myself after a meal ot go down for a walk. Talking to someone on the phone is also an option. So if you have urges to purge, go try them out! It'll help. I did the distration one and really, it worked. Hopefully it works if you try too. Now about the dietitian! Saw Michelle this time, with one of her colleague which I've never seen before. She read my food diary and it was quite horrible honestly. Everything was safe, like after discharged most days were restrictive. And I didn't have my snack. Not at all. Nothing extra. Discussed about it, and she reminded me of why I wanted to recover. About what happened during 10 Oct 2011 that made me work towards recovery. Was a wake up call, a reminder. And we'll be working with Mom now, she'll have to supervise my meals and snack. Which I tend to avoid. Hehehe. Really hope things will be better this time round. :) Oh, and I tried Bakin Robins Cotton Candy Ice cream! It was really good! GO TRY IT:)

PIIIICCCTTTUUUURRREEEZZZXXXSSSSS:








Iced Chocolateeee


Mom's Fish Cutlet


My Duck Confit!


Dad's Braised Lamb Shank


Awesome supper!!!

Baking again!

Woke up so early today, no idea why. Just had problems sleeping? Gah. So that means an early breakfast which is a MUST to have. Okay anyway after that mom and I did baking again! Baked pineapple tarts again. Hahaha. Have to make quite alot too! One container fits about 40 or so and we're doing around 10 containers or more! OMG that's really alot isn't it? Will continue baking more tomorrow hehe. And this time, we brushed egg yolk on the skin. The colour turned out much nicer, and yeap the taste is much better too. Awesome! Just second try. Wanna try baking other stuffs as well, but have to complete those tarts first. Then headed out to Kovan for a haircut and rebonding. Ok I sat in the salon for 3hours or so. That is really really so long and its really boring to be there for so long, doing nothing. Other than playing mobile games and texting. Pretty much sucked): Went to get dinner and all and headed home. Ohwell, this is life. So mundane. And tomorrow have appointments! With psychologist and dietitian. Hopefully I'll see June plesaezzxzsez. Have quite a lot to update to Tina! Hahahaa hope the time will be enough tho, its just a pathetic hour. Anyway, I'll update again on how it goes tomorrow!

xoxo

Friday& Saturday!

Stayed home yesterday to do baking with Mom. We baked pineapple tarts! Recipe from aunt. It was really interesting actually. Like the other day when I did baking at aunt's house, it was really fun and I tried those pineapple tarts too. They tasted really good. So Mom and I baked on out own! And we actually baked quite a lot. Hahaha. Like 6 trays I think? So yeah. But I didn't handle the butter part as the butter was added to the flour etc to form a dough. Honestly, I was extremely freaked out when I saw the amount of butter required. Mom then mix them and formed it into a dough, while I waited for her. It smelled really buttery as well and it was actually rather hard for me to want to continue doing the pineapple tarts as I hated the butter smell. It felt as though touching it or breathing it would be equivalent to me consuming it. Sounds ridiculous? I know, but its so hard to not believe it. But after I started doing the first one, things went well. Did so much till my hands were aching! Hahahas. Sieve the flour and sugar mixture as well! And after everything was well prepared we started out. Rolled the dough evenly and use the shape cutter to cut out the shape of the dough, and the ball of pineapple paste was placed onto it. It was not too bad after you get the hang of it. It gets easier each time I did! But the toughest part was kneading the dough to even heights. That was really tough as the dough can't be too thick or too thin. Mom did help out on that part as well as I had problems with that initially! But yeap, after a while I managed to do it too. However, after everything was done, I did not try the pineapple tarts as Ed was so strong. Tbh, ed has been really strong nowadays and I don't know what to do. To me, it seems like going ahead with what it says is the best way. I really don't feel like fighting with it anymore. It gets really tired, and the feeling of guilt, it really sucks to experience it daily. So yeah. Will see how after I speak to Tina and the dietitian on Tuesday. And currently, because I restricted, I don't dare to increase my intake anymore. I kept thinking that I'm already eating too much when I shouldn't even be eating. And I guess I really need to be on a diet. I hate being above mhw and its really hard to accept myself now with all the changes. And I'm really super ultra sensitive now, to what others say and their expressions. Well, I guess you can say I'm paranoid too. Anyway, tho I did not out the pineapple tarts, but I did have fun baking! So yeap, am gonna bake again next saturday. Oh and today morning, did baking again with Mom! This time round, we baked brownies. As it was pre-mixed, it made things all so much easier. Hehehe. As usual, I did not taste it. I refused it. But accordingly to Mom and dad, they said that the brownies were too sweet! Especially dad, he said it was wayyy tooo sweeeet. But still edible bleah. Was a little sticky too! Are brownies meant to be sticky at the centre part? I don't really know. Hahahas. Was actually intending to go to gran's place today but was pretty tired and had headache so decided to stay at home. Prepared myself a bowl of frozen fruits as well! Love them. No idea why but I always crave for them and it makes me feel better after eating them. Of course not if I ate too much of it!









The before and after! How does it look? HAHAHA.

Updates!

Haven't posted for a few days so I'll post them now:) Hehe.

Thursday!
Finally went out with Han xin to Wild Honey. Initially was supposed to meet her at 11am @ Serangoon, but I woke up at around 10.30am! Was so shocked. Hahaha. But hey, she also woke up late! So in the end we met at 1215pm. After that, headed down to Orchard and walked to Scotts Square to dine at Wild Honey. It was packed with people, but not as crowded as expected. And we were so lucky! We sat at some big sofa style comfortable chair:) After sitting didn't really want to stand up anymore. We then placed our orders. She ordered the European breakfast, Wild Honey's version of Eggs Benedicts- two perfectly poached eggs, sauteed mushrooms and prosciutte on toasted homemade brioche and hollandaise sauce. And as for me, I ordered the Swiss breakfast- Homemade bircher muesli with organic yogurt and seasonal fruits. It was pretty good actually, and we spend around $36+ there. Had a bite of the European Breakfast, and the mushrooms were really good tho. Just didn't like the bacon as I found it salty. Overall a good experience there. After that, we went to Paragon to shop around, followed by Takashimaya. There were lots of new year goodies! Like the whole central level was promoting them. Different brands, but all selling the same usual foods. We went there to check out Pique Nique, but we couldn't find the place and took a long time before we finally found it. It has a vintage outlook, and its pretty small. Just opposite KFC. Took a quick glance at the menu too. They have all day breakfast as well, but it isnt as appealing as those at Wild Honey. And we then headed back to Ion Orchard. Got Yami Yogurt for snack and Han xin went to get some drink from a bubbletea shop kind of stall. She said it tasted horrible. But apparently, that stall is usually crowded! Weird right? We went to the food hall to sit as our legs were aching. Obviously no outside food allowed, but ohwell! It wasn't crowded anyway, so we just sat there. Hahaha. Went to Three Sixty Market to take a look. Love going there somehow. Lol. After that we decided to go and check out Alfresco Gusto as well. They have indoor and outdoor dining. The indoor one is quite small, just a few tables whereas the outdoor seating is much bigger. It's sheltered tho, so its fine to dine outdoor as well. And yeap, we headed home after that. On the way home, went to Cold Storage to see if I can get froot loops but sadly, all sold out. So home I go. Got dinner from the coffeeshop downstairs too. Anyway, some pictures!


European breakfast


Swiss breakfast

Lunch on Thursday 29 dec2011! From Double Spout, Double Milano Beef Lasagne with a side salad with vinegar dressing and lots of potato wedges:)
It was quite a satisfying meal, definitely very filling! Too much potato haha but they were really generous with the wedges!! Initially, I thought it'd just be a teeny portion. Ohwell. But the lasagne wasn't as good tho. Not too bad but not too good either as it was a little soft, so yeah. Too soft, hehe. But overall still yum!:) It was $12.90 if I'm not wrong.

So today 2nd day of the year! Yay great. Went out for brunch with family today as my sis came home from camp just as we were about to leave and so she decided to join us. Yay:) Went to Kovan to have sushi @ Sakae. Was good, really good. Love wasabi. Hehehe. Ate quite alot, or actually not. But was pretty full after eating and it lasted me all the way till dinner! Was hungry in between tho, but was going to be dinner time soon so skipped that. Headed down with mom and sis to Aunt's place @ Bukit Batok to do baking!! Baked pineapple tarts hehehe. That's my favourite chinese new year goodie. Love it, and only love the one made by my aunt. All along she does it on her own, and today I joined in! Was pretty easy tho, and had a good time there. Was really fun:) And it tasted goood, yay. Stayed there till about 5 plus and went to Parkway Parade as Mom has a meeting with her ex-colleagues. They dined at Pu tien whereas my sis and I dined at Cedele! Ordered Mushroom Paradise, it was pretty good. Just that I didn't really like the garlic stuff at the bottom. It has different types of mushrooms, like oyster and button etc mushrooms and has a potato mushroom pancake/rosti below it. That was nice. Little starchy, so the portion was just nice. Hahaha. Here's how it looks like!


How good does it look?:)

Walked around with sis later while we waited for mom. Finally got sis her Christmas present. Hahaha, so belated. But at least she chose it!! Oh and we went to Cold Storage as well tho, to get yogurt and museli and a packet of tartlets with raspberry jam. Seems nice, really ex too. $7+ for 9small tartlets xx. Gonna have my snack soon! Prepared a bowl of frozen fruits, absolute yum and will be having that with 3 raisin oats biscuits. That will be all:) Not really hungry. :)

happy new year!

Hairpee new yeaar!! New year, new day, new week, new memories, new friendsm new clothes everything new!!! Start afresh and say goodbye to 2011. Hope all will be good this new year 2012:) So anyway, went to church today. They organised some games and photobooth and had a small buffet. Only join the photobooth and took picture with the cell hehehe. Didn't stay back for the games as I left church with my parents and no lunch there either. Was having late lunch out. Hehe so finally, I managed to go to Tiong Bahru Food Market! Tried mee soto, it was so good and only $2.50. So worth it. And its really big you know. Unlimited choices and varieties of food. How great can that be! I'm having a bowl of fruits now, yum. Frozen fruits! Which makes it yum yum. Haahaha LOL. Tomorrow will be going out with han xin to peranakan museum! Yay at least something to do. Meeting her at 2pm, so yeah probably have lunch first. Thinking of having lunch alone anyway. :) Sometimes its good to be out alone, can think alot. I like it actually. But not all the time! That would make me look like a sad loner:( I'm so sorry but I have no picures to upload! I'll take pics soon and upload them:) Hehehe.