Monday, March 25, 2013
Why i need to get well.
Have to, need to, must get well. A part of my mind tells me "You must die skinny, you are useless and unworthy. Go and die, only when you've lost all the weight". At that point in time, i really felt like that and i was even thinking of doing that. But wait, the right mind tells me this "You can overcome this and you are not a failure till you give up trying". Thinking about it, I'm really glad a part of me has that good voice to keep me fighting on. Bad news, i'm back in the ward. Because of the bad mind :@ caused me to be suicidal and having a loss of appetite. And like, since i am in the ward now, it did helped to regulate my eating and helped in my mood. I do want to get out so badly, but probably not till I've let go of the thought of suicide, and probably more of the i want to lose weight mentality once i get out. I really don't want to live that life again, with ana. I hated that period of my life, being controlled and having to say, not being able to eat. It makes me sick. So i have to get out of ed before it drags me back into hell again. School's starting in less than a month, ahhh so nervous but yet anticipating to go back to school! :) its a motivation to get well and hang out with my clique like before, so much joy. My biggest motivation now is to graduate from poly without another deferment and next, with good grades going in to NYU (new york university) to study a degree major in forensics science:) So ambitious. Haha. I miss outside life, outside food. I need to get out of depression and ed. I have to. And I will. :D
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Weilin, dont give up :) i support you :)
ReplyDeleteIts a hard route to take, but ill be here with you. We might not be close, since you hardly talk to me :( but nevermind, i can be here to listen to you if you need to rant... And you really are pretty. PLEASE PLEASE learn to see that okay? LIsten to the good voice, kick the bad voice :(
I love your positivity and motivating self :) Im sure things will get better.
Love,
LIttle E.
Hello Weilin,
ReplyDeleteAltho I don't really know you, but I just want you to know that you are worth recovery. You need to get well, for so many reasons. But, the most important reason would be because you want to be happy, free and live a life that's fulfilling.
The ambition isn't ambitious because I believe you can do it. Stay strong.
Love,
Anorexic Recovery
Thanks @anorexic recovery! it means a lot to me. and u are worth recovery too, keep fighting <3
ReplyDeletehi weilin!
ReplyDeletethough we don't know each other, but I really admire u for ur tenacity in fighting Ana! :) ur blogposts are very inspirational. tbh, I can be considered that I just recovered & through recovery, ur blog has been a great help! during my recovery, I sometimes feel bad that i'm not putting enough effort in recovery as you. so really, gd job alright! don't go downhill & waste any effort cos u can alr see ur desired destination ahead of u.rmb ur goals at the end & stay strong! I hv absolute faith that u can do it! (:
oh yes, r u still in the ward? hope that u r doing well there! blog more yeah? ur blog is really awesome!!! :)
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ReplyDeletehey there! :) i find your blog really an inspiration!
ReplyDeletei have a few questions about the treatment in sgh, i was wondering if you'd be able to help ans? :)
um, are the dietitians there nice and friendly? they're supposed to come out with a meal plan for each individual right? are we allowed to 'bargain' or rather, discuss certain alternatives with them? what was your meal plan like? if you don't mind sharing :)
i hope you'll be able to answer my queries! thanks:)
Cheryl- hey thanks that is so encouraging! :) definitely! Yes the dietitians are really nice and a meal plan will be created for you depending on your situation and stuffs. You can discuss that with the dietitian about it:) I didn't exactly have a meal plan cause I self recovered. Haha.
ReplyDeleteThank you anonymous! That is really really really very appreciated and it means a lot to me:) that's good to know! You've definitely put tons of effort into getting to where u r now. That's so good, congrats! Oh you've been reading my blog? Do you mind saying your name?:) and yes I'm still inside and my mood is so much better:) yeah okay thank you:)
ReplyDeleteyou're welcome :)
ReplyDeleteoh i seee, that's good! but are you still seeing them?:) is it more convenient if i ask you more questions through email? :)
Yup I follow up with the doc over there:) I'm fine with it:))
ReplyDeletehi weilin,
ReplyDeleteu're welcome!! :) stay strong & keep that positivity that u hv in you! :) I would prefer to remain anonymous cos I had an unpleasant time with the med team so much so that I nearly went into depression... so strictly speaking, I kinda self recovered or perhaps, recovered out of fear? Haha:) just know that there is someone out there ( or even many others) who are totally inspired by u & that i'll be rooting for you! I look forward to the day when u've posted that u've recovered!! :)
hmm so how is it at the ward now? do they put u on protocol, weigh u everyday & dietitians coming in regularly?
JIAYOUS!!(:
I don't know what to do, but after reading your previous blog posts, I realized it sounded a lot like me. And it got worsen this year. I've been eating only 2 meals, breakfast & dinner. I skipped lunch in school, and sometimes I'd stay out late at night and skip my dinner. I used to be better last year, although I did skip my lunch at times, but I still had fast food or meat. But now, I dare not touch any of those, if I do, I felt anxious, and also tempted to purge. There was once this year where I started having 3 meals again after a talk with my CCA teacher who's a christian. I got better, but then I got triggered by my friends and her because she told me I look much better now, & my friends kept bragging that she had lost weight. It really triggered my thoughts. Now I'm back to my old self, although my weight has never dropped to an extremely low weight and remained constant. There's a side of me that wants to get better, but still wants to remain this way...
ReplyDelete