I'm so ashamed of myself, of my body. It's HUGE FAT DISGUSTING. I'm very weak,I can't even defeat Ed. It's so strong, its too over powering. I'll vanish into thin air before i know it. No one will be desperate to get me to eat anymore. No one will care. I don't look like an anorexic anymore, too fat to be called one. so shamful. I'm consuming too much food. Going to restrict again at least till my water retention subside so i don't feel so fat. I can't accept how look now with water retention. And I will eat healthily. Throwing away all the pop tarts later on. No junks, no bakery breads, no chocolate, sweet drinks(other than fruit juice and yogurt drink). Got myself yogurt drinks that will be a beverage for meals.
What's planned for tomorrow; B-cooked oats with banana, S-yogurt+(fruit if its not filling),L-Foccacia bread w Ham&Egg+yogurt drink, S-yogurt & museli from O'Briens, D- something soupy, S-a sunshine raisin bun. Still looks like alot, 6meals. But at least there's no junk. Things are getting Bad.
P.S. sorry if this triggers anyone, I need to rant. Depressed.
You can kill me too
ReplyDeleteED will never win a debate because it is ILLOGICAL! If you want recovery (congratulations<3), here's the truth:
ReplyDelete#1. I don't look like an anorexic anymore, too fat to be called one.
RUBBISH! Not looking like an anorexic is NOT A BAD THING. NORMAL IS NOT FAT (repeat till you believe it). Normal means we can stop hearing people tell us that our bones are jutting out and how we look so unhealthy and how it is disgusting. Not looking like an anorexic proves we are winning the battle and breaking away from ED.
#2.Going to restrict again at least till my water retention subside so i don't feel so fat.
Restricting again just means you are screwing your body up AGAIN. The water retention will just become worse the next time you attempt recovery. But will you even have another chance at recovery?
#3. No one will be desperate to get me to eat anymore. No one will care.
Are you sure? I don't even have to say anything, deep down in your heart you know there are people who love you and who care. They will NEVER give up on you.
Don't be scared of recovery, don't be scared to work hard. Because the reward is LIFE (no not that horrible hospital place).
I promise you, life is worth it. I promise.
I totally agree! Even if you don't want to do it for us! What about yourself?! We have no say to you if you are going to let it be! But living the right LIFE, your LIFE, instead of suffering with it? You know well that ED is a suffering! You know well!
ReplyDeleteomg thank you sulynn. yeah you make sense, as always right? hahaha like you said just now:P REMEMBER TO CATCH UP OK! AND YOU BETTER HURRY IF NOT YOU CANNOT BE AT THE SAME PACE WITH ME ALREADY. HURRY I AM WAITING FOR YOU, DONT DISAPPOINT ME AND HAVE THE PIZZA TOMORROW. REMEMBER WHAT I SAID ABOUT PISSING ED. If you don't feel well, call or text me, I'll respond asap k! <3
ReplyDelete