should i?

Ok morning! At grandma's place now. so early right? cause they had some sort of meeting with the construction i think. lol just came with mom since nothing to do:) and might be gg out to shop around later i guess. Ok i kinda restricted for breakfast. actually i didn't even want to have breakfast.. but yeah i still had something though. yesterday night was kinda bad in a sense that i was actally pretty hungry but i refused to have something and went to bed. like i feel i can't have supper since i had 2apples after dinner. ok i know this is like shi like ed is taking control again. sigh. and what's worse? even i myself want to slip back cause i miss being my anorexic size though i looked so Boney and scary to others at that time. tbh, i really can't stand my size now its so gross:( Idk what's wrong with me:( don't know what about lunch later. like Nicole told me to have something just now but i didn't, and her other suggestion was to have a bigger lunch. i don't know.. i kind of want to keep to all the safe foods and eat at kopitiams cause i will know the calories of those safe ones i can order. how? honestly, i feel like having earl's senses' cottage pie. its something like shepherd's pie with potatoes a huge chunk and minced pork and stuffs. but the cottage pies comes with a salad bar. salad buffet!!! its not all veggies there's like bread crumbs, biscuits meat and all too.. so like i don't know if i should tell mom if i want to dine there or go kopitiams for low calorie choices. Aw man i got no appetite sigh. please help!!!