Is this the end for me?

Is it so? like i don't know if i want to continue on this route. is it the end point here? sigh. ok, yesterday night went rather well though only had plain congee for dinner. but had supper. It was a big one! and i was glad that it didn't end up in a binge as i stopped once i felt that it was enough. then went to bed. but that's yesterday. as for today, from morning till now it wasn't good. like my mom got me to have large cup yoguru and i had that with cranberry and granola toppings. but i didn't finish. i mean i could have finished it if i wanted to but the guilt from ed made me stop. not even a mouthful more. fullstop. lips zipped. that's it. ed won. i wasn't full at all since that was the first meal of the day but still i did not get anything else. only had lunch at like 3.30pm. ok it was also a spoiler.. i ordered economic rice wurh dishes. sounds absolutely fine right? but wait. that's not it. apparently i requested for less rice, resulting in 1/3 of rice for lunch along with 2veg 1steamed tofu. one was curry veg and the other was some Chinese cabbage with tanghoon . didn't finish the tanghoon though and left bits and pieces of the tofu meat behind. such a fail. i even regretted ordering them cause it was like oily. :( Idk i really don't know. wanted to get a wedge of papaya actually cause wasn't full but i didn't cause i didn't dare. like theres calories. omg this is like insane.. like just yesterday i didn't mind all the cal when i even the supper cal that was a breaking 4000. But did not care. yet today everything is spiraling down... i just don't really want to recover anymore. like i am so gross looking now so fat, fatso . i keep tthinking from morning that i don't deserve to eat i can't afford to. ed is so strong that its pretty much in control again but i don't have the energy and the mood to do so. ok anyway the end. i feel extra. i feel like no one cares and bother whether i eat a not since i can afford to lose weight anyway. bye.