Heeeey so as I was saying, I went out on Saturday for dinner with my dad! Ended up dining @ Siam Kitchen instead as he wanted to have the Seafood Tom Yum soup. Was a good dinner tho, especially with prawn crackers! Been ages since I ate them. Oh, and a gay couple was sitting directing opposite us! Any idea how embarrassing it was? To be facing that direction and trying not to look @ the both of them behaving intimately? Gross. Actually I didn't realise that until my dad told me! Ahhhaas, quite grossed out by them. :/ And today, headed to Tp to collect my Matrix card before watching Mirror Mirror with Mom @ Century! Was quite a funny show and it actually taught some morals... Seriously. And I didn't attend orientation today, well not because I don't want to but I didn't know about the details and stuff guess mine was different cause its a deferment case, a lil or rather very much complicated. Can't log into the student portal, so who knows about the timetable... So dead. Emailed the course manager and he got me to call another guy which I'd do so tomorrow morning. And I totally forgotten that the case manager knows that I'm recovering from anorexia. Like I deferred to be hospitalised for treatment. So OMG. Not really looking to school tho, kinda scared about what my previous schoolmates will say, since I've put on like 10+kg from my lowest weight. Which really scares me. I'd be really really affecting both mood and eating wise. Dammnnnn. If only people could actually be more sensitive about what they say, lol they've no idea how big a difference their comment can make. K, skip that. School's starting officially on the 23rd April. Apparently, no go orientation = no friends = lonely-.- Ahahaha. Its kinda sad that tomorrow's orientation starts late afternoon and its stayover night! But I've got piano lesson and 2appointments on Wed early in the morning so I can't go either. Friday's there's some idk what activity and I've 2 appointments tooo. My life is revolving around all appointments from SGH seriously.
Besides stuffs about school, I've to admit that I've been struggling a lil. Which I hope will not go downhill... Yesterday for instance, I wasnt really full from lunch so I wanted a durian waffle and mom got it for me. But upon ordering, I suddenly felt the guilt you know? Like ugh. But managed to have a bit, just not the whole thing. Offered here and there, whhich ended up I ate the least when I wanted it. :( And today, went out for lunch with Mom @ Jack's Place. Well, I ordered some grilled fish with watercress sauce. It came with a baked potato, and I refused to have the cream and bacon. I mean I'd have eaten it it'd make the potato look nicer too lol. And I didn't. Idk what's wrong with me today. Dinner too, I got so paranoid over how much rice was given to me but thankfully I still ate what was portioned out for me so that's still fine. No guilt until now yaaayy:) I guess I'm just really stressed about going back to school. No idea why, but I feel shame, disgusted and all the negative things you can possibly think of on myself. Which sucks big time. Oh, but I received something really good from Sunday's sermon, that Grace is given by God +++. No just once, but thrice or more! How awesome is that:) Heee. Made a new friend today too, which really made my day. Feel like I can talk to her though I think she's a year younger then me:) Well, I think its always easier to talk to someone going through the same thing for now? At least they'd understand and give the support I need which really really means a lot<3 Amazing people:) aanddd recovery is really really hard, I honestly don't know what to expect when I return back to school. K that really worries me, I wanna continue studying yet @ the same time I can't stop being self conscious. Perhaps constantly reminding myself of the quote and telling myself to hang in there move on to a brighter future carefree ed free life might really help:) I might not be able to stop Ed-ish behaviours immiediately but @ least decreasing them would help in my recovery:) YEEEEAHHHHOOOOO. It's possible.
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