When I was young, I was happy!
I had no issues with food, I ate whatever I wanted without limits!
YUMMS
I didn't worry about my weight and all, life was good.
But one day, one sunny day, I wasn't good enough.
I stopped eating.
Weighed myself daily, a couple of times in fact
I body checked, compare, measured my body parts
Had moodswings, conflict with family members.
I started isolating myself.
Left all alone.
Felt empty inside, was crying yet it felt like no one was there.
My life was full of darkness,
I was just awaiting death.
I was always preccupied with food and calories, weight loss, thinspiration
I felt lousy, weak, ugly and FAT when I was just a bag of bones
Saw no purpose in life,
Given up on myself.
Even during admissions,
It didn't work.
I googled for calories, planned my restrictive diet.
But one day, I fell.
That fell woke me up.(a really good wake up call)
After a visit to the A&E,
I decided to recover.
I chose life.
I'm sick of all the restricting and dieting.
I took my very first bite of Big Mac!! And it tasted so so good!
That was when I felt so stupid for missing out on all those yummy foods.
I was happy.
I enjoyed life,
Enjoyed eating
:) good life! Hahaha.
Of course, I have my down days as well. In fact quite a number. But I won't let it affect me, not anymore. Recovery is a journey of ups and downs. When you fall, pick yourself up and move on. Don't just sit there and cry. It'd only make things worse. I've chosen life since 10 Oct! I reallllyyy want to carry on, living my life to the fullest as it should be! I deserve a joyful life, not a pathetic life dominated by a devil. Well, Ed has really changed my life. I wouldn't have known what would my life be now if I didn't have Ed. But it should be way better!:) Hahaha. Anyway, it's not like I chose it, it was just meant to happen for a reason. I really want to get well soon, I want to be normal. NORMAL. NORMAL. NORMAL. Okay, thats alll. BYEBYEBYE.
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