self harm again...

I currently have big long ugly scars on my arm now, left arm. Well all thanks to him. I need to vent. Apparently while I was sleeping, he came into my room and invaded my privacy by "using" my laptop. I mean, if he wanted to use he could've ask! ITS MY PROPERTY. Even though he got it for me, that does not give a damnit right to use it as and when he wants! Worse still, he obviously lied. He said he didn't want to on his own laptop so he used mine. WHATHEFUCK. Sucha lame excuse! If so, he would have used my comp for dk how many times already. Oh, and he even lied saying that he was doing his own company stuffs when all he was doing was viewing the web pages I visited and looking at what shows I've been watching. Simply because he does not trust me. How can I ever trust him again? No I can't. He's really a disappointment. I admit that I've been rude to him, and I know I shouldn't be since he's the elder. But I have my reason too, to why I was so rude! Thats because I was so irritated by him, he kept asking me the same questions over and over again! Honestly who won't be irritated?! And I answered him a billion times. Zomg too much to rant. Way too much. Tbh, I honestly thought he changed a lot ever since he attended this "papa school" at some church. And I was so happy that he changed so much and was so understanding. But nahh, old habits don't die. He accused me for badmouthing him as well. When I didn't, all I did was just vent out. I've never badmouthed him on purpose before. But so what? He don't believe me, that's fine. Whatever. I can't be bothered already, he simple don't understand anything since he's always right and I'm always wrong. Even if he's in the wrong, not like he will admit, so what's the point? He's really like a outsider, I really feel like I don't know him at all. He's not the dad I pictured him to be... I know he cares, but his way is really too insane. Checking up on me and all, might as well go be PI! Still can earn money right-.- Damn, now I have no one I can really count on for support. I really hate worrying my mom yet she's the best support I could ever have. Sigh. I feel so alone. Why didn't anorexia killed me the other time? How I wished I wasn't born at all.