tough time ahead

Even though I kind of lost faith in God and all, but i really am grateful to him. Nevertheless, i still thank Him for the support he has given me to help me in my recovery. Though at times i really feel like giving up, take a break. I mean i know i can, but i have to get back on track. Everyone falls and have slip ups, but the question boils down to "am i willing to pick myself up"? Right now, I really am confused. I mean i worked so hard for recovery, but i really am tired to carry on. I really want back the confidence and all instead of feeling like a failure xx i guess i'll have to take baby steps all over again. Anyway something good today :D I had Yami Yogurt today:) Though its not my favourite hahaha i actually prefer berrylite and yoguru more! So instead of the usual order of regular with either dried cranberries or granola as toppings, i had both of the toppings and a JUMBO cup. Hahaha the best thing is i finished everything till the last bite. Tbh, I was really surprised. But its something I really enjoy tho. :) Mom and Dad were glad too. Straight away finishing all, I was feeling okay... But shortly after, guilt sank in. I felt bad horrible fat, all the typical Ed thoughts. It was uhm, hard to like yeah. But managed to ignore it by distracting myself.Anyway I really love love love fruits now! Especially chilled ones hahaha had 2large bowls of fruits today all chilled! Freeze them in the freezer, it taste better. But don't ever freeze banana! At least fruits are something i can consume without as much guilt. Previously i didn't even dare have fruits. But I'm really scared that one day i might actually end up fearing fruits again because of those calories:( sigh. Anywayyyy been really tired! Had a good night sleep yesterday tho, slept so well that even when my sis woke up I didn't know. :) Thats really goood i like it hahaha hope tonight will be the same~ And and and I'll start practicing my violin again, i have ambitions for that! Heehee. Let's just say yes i really hope i can succeed. Violin is hard to play and makes my hand ache, but perserverance is key. Right?! And also, mood wise has been better. Didn't try myself to sleep last night and no tears for tonight. The day is ending soon, in like half an hours' time. :)